I want to make a zoo with you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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