I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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