they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
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4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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