Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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