I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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