What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is that why you're texting me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm