I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.