Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”