WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?