He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.