OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
