the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
