Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
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How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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