plz talk dirty to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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