I want to make a zoo with you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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