there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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