i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
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