ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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