i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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