We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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