Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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