im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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