It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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