Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was like eating out sand paper
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
