she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
