sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
