I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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