How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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