I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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