Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
