I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
