i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
do herpes really smell.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
