I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
