yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize