You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
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Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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