he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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