i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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