If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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