I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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