Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
