Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
