her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
