Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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