yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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