I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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