better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
