well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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