I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
