I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize