You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"