She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats