ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.