let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND