I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life