You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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