One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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