I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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