Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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